Headlines, Taranto Style

What's Wrong With Scalpels?
"Spears Now in Hands of Doctors"--headline, CNN.com, Feb. 1

She Counted Them?
"Pole-Dancing Mystery Woman Alarms 880 Drivers"--headline, San Jose Mercury News, Jan. 31

Good News for Local Prostitutes
"Olympics Safe From Foreign Prostitutes, Day Says"--headline, Canadian Press, Feb. 7

'Say, Isn't That Vicki?'
"Human Services Group Recognizes Bank Manager"--headline, Ann Arbor (Mich.) News, Feb. 8

We Hope Drilling Holes in Heads Lets Out Demons, Too
"County Hopes Bike Racks on Buses Cancel Out Asbestos"--headline, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Feb. 7

'Officer, Something Went Terribly Wrong and a Hockey Game Broke Out'
"Moose Lake Police Investigating Hockey Fight"--headline, Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald, Feb. 7

Help Wanted
"Cross-Dressing Traffic Hazard Sought"--headline, Portland (Maine) Press Herald, Feb. 7

Someone Set Up Us the Bomb

News You Can Use

"The Peculiar Pain of Paper Cuts: Experts Offer Theories on How Such Little Cuts Can Hurt So Much"--headline, ABCNews.com, Feb. 8
"Study: Married Third Cousins Produce More Children, Grandchildren"--headline, FoxNews.com, Feb. 8
"Here's a Question Worth Asking Before You Jump Off That Ledge"--headline, FoxBusiness.com, Feb. 8

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