My Dear Mal

I read your profile, and I wondered if you aren't really Greg Gutfeld? But please don't come out here if you are. I want something to be just between us.

I wondered because as I was reading, Greg was doing his Gregalogue, and the two were virtually indistinguishable if not in content then in tone and style... though he's not Catholic and if he poisoned his cat, it wouldn't be accidental.

Anyway, as I read, I found myself convulsed with laughter (only the second time in my life I was laughing while vomiting), but I was also sad, and not just because I don't have a connection to the Holocaust like you do. No, it was because I've misled these good people by being straighter than I'd realized and straighter than I'd ever thought I could be.

I mentioned Hen in an earlier comment to you and the private correspondence I had with him. He had said that he enjoys having discussions with people who think differently, and I responded by telling him that I don't want be discussing things with anybody. Then I elaborated along the lines you detailed in your profile, but I was decidedly less funny.

And that's the problem. I'd lost sight of the goal - I mean I knew inside, for example, that I wasn't interested in anything the warmalarmists had to say, but I've been far too civil to them, oftentimes even treating them as if they were people. That ends today or yesterday depending on the time you read this and whether or not it's Friday. And under just the right circumstances, it could even be tomorrow, as my motivation has been less and less of late. The doctor tells me it's all about declining testosterone levels, but he's not motivated to test for it, which leads me to believe he knows what he's talking about..

Luckily the new year is upon us so I have a perfect opportunity to change, and I have you to thank for re-liberating me. You, a German... and a punk... who'd have thought.

But my son. while I know it's poetic license, you told a fib when you said we instantly disliked each other. It wouldn't be a white lie if you didn't know it, but I have no doubt you did know that I immediately saw you as someone special, and not in the "special ed" sense, but in the sense that you were someone I could really relate to because the things you were saying were things no one else could possibly understand, and as you also know better than I do myself, people frequently accuse me of that.

And lastly, you gave the impression that you had stolen into America (for one brief, shining moment yesterday I had feared you were in Pakistan when I heard that the guy shot Bhutto and then blew himself up), and if that is the case, I will go anywhere within a ten mile radius of the intersection of I-10 and Chandler Blvd. to meet you, twelve if you'll buy the drinks?