Only Certain Humans Contribute To Global Warming

Clearly, the biggest source CO2 being spewed into the Earth's atmosphere is that generated by liberal gasbags wailing about humans spewing CO2 into the Earth's atmosphere.

In other words, if they'd shut up, the problem would go away, and we could get back to the time when we reveled in those rare unusually warm days in the dead of winter instead of doing as Meredith Viera said she did on her 70-degrees-in-January walk though Central Park - worry that we're all gonna die (spoiler - we are)

Still, I heart heart global warming, it's proof that the left believes in religion too.

Some months ago, there was a headline that said the past year was the warmest in 1200 years. The next day, the headline read, "1400 years" (they must have delved further into their statistics and found that stone thermometers can be difficult to read).

My reaction was, Yeah, so? The problem is that last year would have had to have been the warmest year EVER, preceded and/or followed by other warmer than average years until someone can say definitively," this is the warmest century ever." And then the warmest millenium...Then we can set about determining what caused it and trying to figure out if there's anything we can do about it.

But the killer is that we only hear all pain, no gain, all the time. Recently, there was a news item about how global warming would devastate Europe, never mind that Europe has it coming, and that during the last warm period those 1400 years ago, they were growing wine in England.

OK, they weren't growing wine, they were growing grapes, but you get the idea.

The article's main point was that warming would ruin tourism in southern Europe because people wouldn't have to go as far south to enjoy balmy beaches. There was also the concern that warm water fish were being spotted further north, as in, "Is that a swordfish in your swimming trunks, or are you just happy to see me?"

Another article stated that Alaska would become like England is now, though without the accent, I presume, and after the Spinal Tap fiasco, Stonehenge replicas are probably out of the question as well.

The writer did allow, Fagus bless him, that there would be better farming and thus more food further north, but that's IT! And even that would be offset by more disease. Do you think that when the shamrock is displaced by citrus flowers in Dublin, that Irish eyes will be crying or smiling?

Of course the point is, there's never talk about how great a warmer Earth would be, and there's the assumption that the way on... your date here...  is the way it should always be. It's as if the universe is some precise physical system created by somebody in a lab or something, and not by a perfect and all-powerful God.

In the real world, things are always in flux, even in a dome. In case you haven't heard, the one outside Tucson was an utter failure. Which begs the question: If man can't control the climate in a bubble, can Al Gore control the whole Earth?

I mean, we can't even control Al Gore, and he can't control his own bubbles.

Last year in Phoenix was one of the warmest winters I've seen, and it was heaven - low heating bills and green peppers in January. Does it get any better? But this year is absolutely the coldest ever in all my time here, and not only are there no peppers, there are no pepper plants! As in the cold has made them all look like sick puppies.

And my eggplant, forget about it. They look like compost, so now I have to plant new, and that means no eggplant until late April. If that doesn't mean much to you, you have no heart, even of the artichoke variety.

So if global warming exists, and that's more iffy than the weather in Cleveland, the slogan should be: Global Warming - Get Used To It!

Today, the she-beast Senator, Barbara Boxer (0-Ca) wanted to compare global warming dissenters to something, so she reminded willing-fool reporters that there were probably a few dissenters back around the same time that the climate was warmer than it is today who had resisted the idea that the Earth was round.

Barbox thought she was so clever.

Somebody needed to inform the silly Senator that just a little further back than that, there were probably a few dissenters to the idea that the Earth was - flat.