The Presidential Name Game

There was never going to be a President Huckabee, even if his name didn't have the past tense of "hick" already embedded in it. I mean, I like redneck common sense as much as the next guy... but I don't like all the other accoutrements, such as fried squirrel, that go along with it.

But even if Huck's name conveyed all the best qualities that America represents, he couldn't be President because we don't allow our Presidents to have weird sounding names.

That's why Rudy also had an uphill battle from the start despite what any polls may have said in the beginning. Our strangest Presidential names were Fillmore and Eisenhower, and they're a far cry from a Huckabee or a Giuliani... or an Obama.

I'd like to think it's just that people want Presidents whose names convey a certain amount of strength, but it could be more than that. Names that don't ring Presidential may remind Americans that the individual in question is too closely aligned with a minority, and they want a President to be in touch with all of America... or none of it as is the case with George Bush.

So McCain, Romney, and Clinton are well suited name-wise if not credential and criminality-wise. And of the three, Romney seems the most regal. I just wish he'd stop acting like it, because as Washington said, "America isn't down with kings" (you know how strangely they talked back then).

And if McCain or Clinton gets elected, I suspect we'll come to regard the Bush years with great fondness, and that might even include liberals.

If you don't like what I've said here, I'm sorry, but I've boarded the Straight Talk Express... whoo, whoo...