Tom Purcell has compiled a number of quotes which I think form an excellent starting point for either rewriting or amending the constitution...

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take everything you have." — Barry Goldwater

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country — against his government." — Edward Abbey

"The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse." — Edmund Burke

"The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare." — Daniel Patrick Moynihan

"Government is inherently incompetent, and no matter what task it is assigned, it will do it in the most expensive and inefficient way possible." — Charley Reese

"Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us." — Leo Tolstoy

"The government is good at one thing: It knows how to break your legs, then hand you a crutch and say, 'See, if it weren't for the government you wouldn't be able to walk.'" — Harry Browne

"Government's view of the economy can be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." — Ronald Reagan

"Government cannot make man richer, but it can make him poorer." — Ludwig von Mises

"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule." — H.L. Mencken

"One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation." — Thomas Reed

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." — George Bernard Shaw

"That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves." — Thomas Jefferson

"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government — lest it come to dominate our lives and interests." — Patrick Henry

"Our best protection against bigger government in Washington is better government in the states." — Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The primary function of the government is — and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution — 'to spew out paper.'" — Dave Barry

"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets." — Will Rogers

"Did you ever notice that when you put the words 'the' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS?'" — Unknown

This doesn't tell the half of it...

57% of Obama voters were unable to correctly answer that Democrats controlled both the House and the Senate.

More...

Now, here's a related matter from James Taranto:

The News & Observer of Raleigh, N.C., has an interesting little piece titled "Winds of Patriotism Renewed":

Ronnie Chapman has hidden away his American flag for much of the past eight years. "I felt it was no longer a symbol of the country I love, but of Bush and support for his war," said the 48-year-old pharmacist from Cary. "The first thing I did the morning after the election was take it from my den and fly it proudly in front of my house."

Chapman's response to the presidential election reflects the emergence of an unusual--and some might say contradictory--new figure: the flag-waving liberal.

After a divisive presidency and strident campaign in which patriotism was used as a wedge issue, supporters of President-elect Barack Obama are hanging flags, donning Old Glory lapel pins and humming the national anthem.

"We just feel this pride and this swelling of joy," said Cheryl Kimmel, 49, of Cary, who worked on Obama's campaign with her 18-year-old daughter, Jeanelle Alexander. "We're extremely proud to be Americans today."

"For years it's felt like patriotism was a Republican thing," said Raven Moeslinger, 21, a senior at UNC-Chapel Hill. "Now I feel like we've reclaimed it."

"The night after the election, I got in bed and started reading the Declaration of Independence for the first time in a long time," said Sherry Harmon, 55, of Cary. "I felt I needed to touch base with our roots because I think we need to refresh our ideas of who we are as Americans."

The paper notes that some Republicans see the flag-waving Democrats "as sunshine patriots, stirred more by partisan victory than love of country." Don't they have a point?

For the past eight years (and longer) we have heard from those on the liberal left that there is no inconsistency between loving your country and disagreeing strongly with the policies of its government. That is true. The country is bigger than the party in power; you can love the former while despising the latter. That does not seem to be the way the people in the N&O story feel, though. Their love for America is conditional upon their party being in power.

Of course, maybe this is a bipartisan phenomenon. If so, there must've been stories in 2000 (or 1980, or 1968--heck, we'll even take 1952!) about Republicans or conservatives who, on their party's return to the White House, suddenly started flying the flag or otherwise expressing love for their country for the first time in years. If you know of such an article, send it along and we'll take note in a future column.

And finally, Taranto reports on a fellow in Indiana who's now flying his flag upside down as a signal of distress, and it's one time when I disagree completely with his conclusion...

Yesterday we noted a story about liberals, prompted by the election of Barack Obama, making sudden shows of patriotism after shunning such displays for the past eight years. We wondered if the same thing had happened on the other side....

So far, the answer is no. But a reader did call our attention to a somewhat similar phenomenon. An example comes from the Journal Gazette of Fort Wayne, Ind. At a tire shop in nearby Decatur, owner Greg Townsend "hoisted the flag, which has long flown in front of his shop, in the upside down position, a distress signal protesting the election of Barack Obama and Joseph Biden"...

Townsend is not alone in using the flag in this way... Nor is this unique to the right: Another reader tells us that one of his neighbors had been flying an inverted flag but turned it right side up on Nov. 5. And of course John Kerry* famously posed in front of an inverted flag for the cover of his 1971 book, "The New Soldier."

This is an improper use of the flag. As one USA Flag Site contributor notes, Section 8(a) of the U.S. Flag Code states: "The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property."

Even if one grants Townsend's claim(s)... they clearly do not represent an extreme danger but an ordinary one... Further, a lawful election is not an occasion for "dire distress," and no one seeing Townsend's upside-down flag is in a position to save the lives or property he believes are in jeopardy.

Greg Townsend is not signaling distress, merely expressing an opinion...

But even though his protest is lawful, it is still inappropriate--a sign of disrespect for the flag and the country it symbolizes.

* The haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam.

This struck me as surprisingly naive on Taranto's part. Didn't the Germans vote Hitler into power in a lawful election? And is the availability of outside assistance a prerequisite for posting a distress signal? Hardly. Luckily, this is as wrong as Taranto gets.

Remember the Monty Python sketch about the British government looking for the killer joke to thwart the Germans? Well, here's the next best thing. It won't kill anyone, but it is hilarious. And what makes it the funniest joke ever are the explanations that accompany it... Why if the headline itself doesn't set you to laughing, you're worse than Timothy...

Poland denies Barack Obama cannibal 'joke'

By Matthew Day in Warsaw
Last Updated: 2:30PM GMT 18 Nov 2008

Radek Sikorski, an Oxford-educated politician who has lived in the US, was reported to have made the jibe by an opposition politician, Ryszard Czarnecki.

Writing in his blog, Mr Czarnecki, an MEP, quoted the foreign minister as saying:

"Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary."

I'll give you a moment to regain your composure...

Now, you know that something like that requires layer upon layer of explanation, and the ones that follow are a comic's dream because they enhance and extend the laughs...

1) A spokesman for the Polish foreign office conceded that Mr Sikorski had made the controversial comment, but denied that the foreign minister had intended to insult Mr Obama..

2) "Mr Sikorski did not tell a racist joke," said Piotr Paszkowski, the spokesman. "He was only giving an example of the unpalatable and racist 'jokes' that surround President Elect Obama."

3 It appears that Mr Sikorski's position is not under threat despite calls from opposition politicians for an investigation to determine if the foreign minister broke anti-racism laws.

And last but certainly not least...

4) The derogatory comment... may... have become common staple in Polish political circles. Wojciech Olejniczak, the leader of Poland's main Left-wing party, the SLD, alleged that he first heard it from Jaroslaw Kaczynski, a Right-wing former prime minister and twin brother of the Polish president, Lech Kaczynski.

You know, I thought the next four years were going to be pretty grim, but this offers us all the hope Obama promised..

Now here's something to ponder: How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?

And speaking of cannibals, how about a woman named Spears who's dumber than Britney? And no, she wasn't eaten...

I came upon three good entries today that, taken together, sum up where we are right now. The one by Dox is more speculative, but I think it's got a lot of validity, even if I don't share his perspective entirely. Lexann and Zak present more troubling entries that I think are too close to what Obama really is.

Dox thinks Obama is already a shoe-in for reelection, and if so, I think Zak and Lexann have indicated why beyond Dox's feeling that it will be due to a mass change in attitude. And even there, it's questionable whether it's attitude change or brainwashing - -

Keep 'em stupid and drill 'em with lies. Will the economic situation get so bad that people want more government (likely) or will they realize that government has nearly destroyed them? It will take competent conservative types to convey that, and at this time, there aren't any. But I have faith that Obama will over-govern. When Biden was picked, people wondered if he could keep the gaffes to a minimum. I felt certain he couldn't. Likewise with Bobo. His views are so extreme that I think they will emerge for all to see.

And we have to remember that McCain turned out to be far worse a candidate than anyone could have ever imagined. Did he cement his own defeat? Did the Economic crisis do him in? Or was Obama really a man of destiny? I doubt it was the latter, but I do agree that if he governs in moderation a-la Clinton, he will be hard to beat in 2012. I just don't think he can remain moderate, and no one knows where the economy is headed. If Obama brings stability, why would anyone want change? Besides, he'd probably be too busy with that to implement a lot of his communist agenda then... until his second term.

Anyway, I agree with Dox except for his middle part where he thinks Sarah Palin is finished. She may be, but it's her call. By that I mean not just a choice, but a decision - to become far more knowledgeable and forceful. her initial attraction was her strength, but we quickly came to see her as much weaker than we'd thought. Right now she has a huge advantage on anyone else, but it will take a lot of effort on her part to prove that she's the Sarah of first impression, and not the bumbling, get-along Sarah she was for far too long. The good news for her is that everyone now is paying attention. The bad news is that everyone now is paying attention.

After ignoring a number of requests for an interview, this reporter caught up with Timothy yesterday afternoon outside the palatial double-wide he shares with his parents in Rosemead, a Los Angeles bedroom community with every bit as much cachet as the better known meccas of El Monte and La Puente to the east. The way people tell them apart is that Rosemead is the one with the Southern California Edison power-generating plant in the middle.

Reporter: Timothy, Ted West, Ted West News... Ted West says that you unceremoniously and without warning blocked him from participating in a super-crucial discussion regarding the reinstitution of the Fairness Doctrine because he insulted a liberal idiot. Do you have any comment?

Timothy (carryiing a nearly empty open container and gesturing wildly: She isn't an idiot, he's an idiot!

Reporter: Ted says YOU'RE an idiot.

Timothy: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

Reporter: Don't call me an idiot, I'm just trying to do my job.

Timothy: I meant that Ted West is an idiot.

Reporter: OK, then say that, I'm just trying to get information.

Timothy: OK, sorry.

Reporter: And frankly, we wouldn't be here if you had simply contacted Ted and told him you felt he was out of line.

Timothy: I was too outraged at the way he treated one of God's helpless little creatures.

Reporter: That's what she said.

Timothy: Huh?

Reporter: Do you ever watch The Office? Well, never mind...

Timothy: No, I watch The Office.

Reporter: Oh... then would you mind if I call you Kevin?

Timothy: What do you mean by that?

Reporter: I mean you're saying that liberal idiot, Corey, isn't an idiot, but she's helpless?

Timothy: She's misguided. I'm trying to reach out to her.

Reporter: How's that workin' out for ya?

Timothy: It's too early to tell, but the century's still young.

Reporter: Are you concerned that you're now at odds with someone who not only shares many of your views but who, many say, is the face of conservatism on Vox?

Timothy: He's not the face of conservatism, I'm the face of conservatism.

Reporter: He says you're the butt of conservatism?

Timothy: At least I don't treat people the way he does.

Reporter: Didn't you treat Ted worse?

Timothy: Humina, humina, humina...

Reporter: I LOVE The Honeymooners!

Timothy: What has that got to do with anything?

Reporter: Do you think there's any hope for a reconciliation?

Timothy: Aren't they all dead?

Reporter: Huh? Oh, no, not The Honeymooners, I mean between you and Ted?

Timothy: I don't know, maybe over time... if he can stop ridiculing idiots.

Reporter: Now, did you mean stop ridiculing helpless creatures, or does he have to stop ridiculing idiots as well?

Timothy: How does ridiculing anyone serve any purpose?

Reporter: Fun? Maybe they'll kill themselves?

Timothy: Jesus wouldn't do it.

Reporter: Didn't his dad invent Hell?

Timothy: Yes, but he doesn't ridicule the people he puts there.

Reporter: If you had to choose, would you put Ted or the liberal woman he criticized in Hell?

Timothy: Please get off my property.

Reporter: Is there anything you'd like to say to Ted right now?

Timothy: Yes, GET OFF my property! (takes a final big swig)

Reporter: Have you tried blocking him?

Timothy: «spit-take»

Timothy: Timothy

Reporter: Sorry... if you had it to do over, would you do anything differently?

Timothy: I wouldn't live in Rosemead.

Reporter: Of course

-This is a Ted News Alert-

It finally became clear yesterday why John has scrupulously avoided admitting to being wrong about anything ever when at 2:18pm he said the following to Dox:

"Sorry about the goof on TR."

The world immediately came to an end with the poor being hardest hit.

Details are sketchy as to why John would choose to make such an admission at a time of such great economic chaos. Observers say that he may not have understood the scope of the calamity his acknowledgment would generate which is troubling in itself.

As evidence, they point to John's remark immediately following his landmark confession:  "its been a long week."

Analysts note that statement shows John felt he was not in complete control of his senses at the time of his screw up and that had he been of sound mind, he would never have committed the momentous mistake.

However, analysts further point to the glaring grammatical error contained in John's qualifier itself as evidence that he may still not be in full control of his faculties, and they say they are worried about long-term implications.

John himself offered no further details, but with the world beginning anew this morning, scientists will be watching John very closely with the intent of preventing a recurrence of this ugly incident in his lifetime.

This has been a Ted News Alert, I'm Ted West - now with a creamy Nugent center.

A special letter to Ellen DeGeneres

Dear Ellen,

I'm starting to feel like Greyhound: stop making a fuss and leave the marriage to us.

Besides, you deserve your own institution.

You opened your show today by quoting George Clooney saying that someday, gays will be allowed to marry and that those who stood against it will then realize that they were the equivalent of George Wallace depriving blacks of the right to marry...

Wait, I'm sorry, that's the right to a decent education alongside whites.

Way to open with a joke.

I know that, as a comedian, you want to have people doubled over, but isn't that because they're laughing, not throwing up?

Almost everyone has come to recognize that any two people who care deeply about each other should have certain rights and misery now only accorded to those who get married.

Nevertheless, is it too much to ask that you leave the word 'marriage" alone and get your own, you know, the way you did with 'gay?"

Did you ever consider that a lot of people consider your version of "marriage" a perversion, and that you might gain some allies among those whom you currently consider bigots simply by choosing a term that didn't offend more than half of America? I mean, no one said all that much when you appropriated "gay" for yourselves because we weren't really using it anyway, but isn't that the point?

Can't you pick a term that's on the fringe, kinda like you are, and call your unions that? How about, oh I don't know, say, "unions?" Or if that's too labor intensive, why not "pride" I mean, gays already use that a lot, and you'd be in good company - with lions. They're the kings of the jungle, you know? Although I'm not sure if female lions are considered the queens?

But then you and your partner could proudly tell people, "We're proud!" And everyone would understand you're like married. Buy gayly!

And as if to insult even further those whose support you need, you then invoked Keith Olberman? And you called his recent rant about Prop 8 "brilliant?" I mean, I didn't hear his remarks, and I hope I never will, but really, the only thing I can think of that Olberman could say that I'd consider to be brilliant would be something like, "I just realized I'm a caricature of myself... only less hateful than the real me!"

I've always liked you and admired you, I even defended you when people used to deride your lesbianness... Hey, maybe that would be a good title for you, Your Lesbianness?"

Ok, I know, sorry for getting off the track. I said I defended you, and I did. One guy on CompuServe once demanded, "What can Ellen do that any other comedian couldn't do with one hand tied behind her back, and I immediately and without hesitation answered: "Put fingers in two dikes!"

Look, I know that this matter is very important to you, but you have to understand that people who do not want you to appropriate the name of something they hold sacred are not, de facto, bigots. Although I'm sure others are in the closet, and don't you think they'd like to come out as much as you once did?

Many, probably nearly all, love America and want to retain traditional values. And most probably recognize the need to accommodate changing mores and to be inclusive of decent people no matter what their race creed, or sexual perversion.

Just kidding. I know you love that sort of thing.

With all sincerity, I wish you everything I have, and I wish me everything you have.... seriously!

So instead of railing against people, why don't you get constructive and even have your audience help you devise a compromise. If you did that, next year at this time you might just find yourself "conjoined?!?" At the lips!

Ineightly,

Ted West

Sarah Palin is the finest woman in American politics. Probably ever. And it took John McCain a week to "defend" her from those Republican elites who see her as a threat to their future in the party. And he did it with a patronizing, "I'm so proud of her and her family." Not a word of denunciation for her detractors. Your Republican wimps and cowards at work - Are you listening, Timidthy?

And speaking of cowards, the Republican Party is planning a lawsuit to overturn McCain-Feingold. Will it work? It's anybody's guess, but where were they when it was being debated? And signed by the President who ruined their party? Not a word about George Bush - again.

Last night, I heard some right-leaning talking face (sorry, they blend together) telling us what Obama needs to do when he gets into office to stem the financial crisis. It wasn't a partisan thing, he was only referring to what he felt needs to be done regardless of who had been elected. The problem: don't we have a President right now? Let's me try to recall his name.... President Nero?

Do you love irony like I do? Because it turns out that McCain's campaign funds are going to be audited, but not Obama's. It's part of the requirement when you elect to take public financing, and it's going to cost McCain millions in audit fees. Meanwhile, they're going to ignore Obama because, as the story goes, he raised so much that it doesn't matter what an audit turns up.

Finally, T. Boone Pickens is shelving his windy plans, though not his rhetoric) for now because the cost of oil is too low, he says. Thank Sky Guy for lower prices, but they mask the truth - that wind is not currently, nor will it be for a long time, a viable form of electricity on a large scale, and that doesn't even take into account the thousands of miles of eyesores it will create and to which Ted Kennedy will attest.

Now I gotta go find some new shorts...

"Consensus building is for wimps and soulless people who stand for nothing. Compromise is not about being tolerant: these days, it’s about giving up conservative principles. As the Republican Party begins to retool, rebuild and return to the 'less government is best government' conservatism that makes America work, the first thing the GOP needs to do is to lock the RINOs out of the discussion. Heavily armed with an abundance of conservative attitude, my hunting buddies and I will provide security to ensure RINOs are kept downwind from the discussion. If allowed to participate, RINOs will continue to rot the Republican Party from within and diminish it in the eyes of the public. Enough is enough." - Ted...

Nugent

Bonus: "...others need to turn up the heat and bring this less government, more individual freedom and strong national defense revolution to a boil."

And if you act right now, you also get this amazing quote:

"We must not make the mistake of keeping the GOP tent so big that there’s room for RINOs. They are in the business of producing conservative defeats."

As you know, I get tremendous enjoyment from mocking pseudo-intellectuals. I'm even generous in who in the category - young know-it-alls, old hags who never were anybody, people who pretend to be something they're not - pretty much anyone who holds themselves out as possessors of knowledge and insight when it's evident to everyone but them that they aren't.

So today, a real intellectual puts a serious face on my most recent "exposé," and shows why fools posing as thinkers are often posing a serious threat to your better future as well. And we just elected a big one. Bon appétit.