Ted West: The Naked Conservative

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Exhale

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:35:20 -0700

In a dramatic lesson of how insane and dangerous liberals are, two prominent talking pigs have stepped forward recently and attempted to infuse new life and fear into an issue that you might otherwise have thought would at least be on a back burner now that everyone is concerned about how to heat their homes and run their cars.

I'm talking, of course, about the once funny, and always idiotic, idea that man is causing the planet to warm because there's too much emittin' goin' on. And when the jokes and ridicule didn't cause these chronologically adult jackasses to just... uh... evaporate, I thought that the worsening fuel crisis surely would. But I can't "think" like a liberal, nor can I be so hypocritical as Al Gore is to tell others they will have to suffer the controls and taxes he seeks to impose on them while using infinitely more energy than the average Filipino, and then following that up with infinite² this year.

We already knew that liberals lack the embarrassment gene, and as a result, it's nothing for them to continue to make pronouncements, to hold positions, to issue dire warnings, and to even attempt to continue to implement their failed ideas long after they've been absolutely discredited,. so maybe we shouldn't be surprised that the "global warming" cabal hasn't faded away despite the fact that their "models" have failed in every instance to duplicate real-world conditions. Their latest "adjustment?" "Global warming" is on hiatus. You didn't hear? Well, just try calling "global warming," you'll get a voice message that it's away from its desk and won't be back for a decade.

But now along comes the self-designated King of Warming, Jimmy "The Mule" Hansen, aka, "NASA scientist and Soros lackey, James Hansen, who wants to imprison those who "cast doubt" on -his- theory. I wish I was making that up, but that's exactly what he said before Congress on Monday. Meanwhile, Kofi Annan, aka the Rottenest Man Who Ever Ran the UN, has called for "climate justice," which I won't even attempt to explain here, but you can get a good idea of what Mr. Oil-For-Food meant just by letting your own mind run on the concept. Bottom line: you need to pay more for your prosperity, and he'll be more than happy to help distribute the funds.

Clearly, if anyone should be in jail, it's those who continue to advance as fact the idea that carbon dioxide is responsible for climate change and who then attempt to profit and gain power from their deception. Not that they themselves don't believe what they say, but then so did Hitler, my apologies to Hitler for the comparison.

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Silencing The Snow Hens

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 10:42:30 -0700

I can't tell you how much I love it when someone saves me time and effort because:

A) I'm lazy

2) I hate telling people things they ought to know implicitly

C) Other people generally say it better than I can

In light of all that, can you imagine my delight at discovering just now that Randall Hoven has taken time out of his busy schedule to finish off Snowy and Henny for me? I'm going to drop him a thank-you note right now.

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Fuel Prices - A Delightfully Unsolvable Problem For Enviro-Wackos

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:45:45 -0700

Recently, a long-time reader and part-time thinker expressed his anger at the "predictions" he claimed I was making about fuel prices, the future of the Warming religion, and other things, exactly what it's hard to know since his comments were apparently made while he was fully immersed in some sort of stupor. Nevertheless, I thought some clarifying was in order, since if he could have so badly misunderstood what I was saying, it's entirely possible that some other readers could have misunderstood ever so slightly. And you know me, I hate people to be in the dark about anything

So first off, let me make this perfectly clear - I was not predicting. I was merely detailing what was currently happening and extrapolating from there. In other words, what the warmists are saying about what will happen regarding "climate change"... those sorts of things are predictions - they may or may not happen, and since they are arising from rank speculation, any of their predictions that do come to pass are due to Newton's "Crap thrown at the wall" law.

I, on the other hand, was talking about what WILL happen given a continuing rise in fuel prices and the failure of the Democrat Congress to take any meaningful action. You don't have to be a genius (you just have to not be a liberal) to see that oil drives everything, and that the public's uncertainty about price and supply will have a fundamental effect on attitudes - even those of lesser liberals - of the man-on-the-street variety. They are the ones in which economics still trumps ideology, and they are the ones who will be most able to see (because they'll live it) the consequences of failed liberal policy.

Still, having said all that, I don't care if the least among us, i.e. liberals, want to call me a prognosticator, just as long as they don't call me late for dinner, even if dinner is a lot more expensive this year, and well, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

I'm so confident in what I've been saying that I actually have no confidence at all - because I don't need any. What I mean is, to say that I had confidence would also mean that I had some doubt, and since I am only commenting on what's actually happening, albeit it's early stages, words like "confidence" and "doubt" do not apply. Put another way - a way, one even rankest liberal can understand, you're about to see what the meaning of "is" is.

To that end, there's a thoroughly enjoyable article in that magnificent British liberal rag, The Guardian, this very day in which the headline itself would ordinarily be enough to send Hens worldwide screeching that the sky is falling: "Poll: most Britons doubt cause of climate change."

How is that possible? Hadn't they been thoroughly indoctrinated. Ah yes, but what liberals don't get is that economics and security will overcome indoctrination almost every time. Besides, the "warming" indoctrination actually was successful as this quote from the article will attest:

"Those most worried were more likely to have a degree, be in social classes A or B, have a higher income, said Phil Downing, Ipsos MORI's head of environmental research."

You see, the public schools did what they were supposed to do - and now reality is doing its job on real people. Me, I got rhythm, I got music, who could ask for anything more? Which is why the following quote is just the cherry on top - -

"There is growing concern that an economic depression and rising fuel and food prices are denting public interest in environmental issues."

YES! And gee, I hope it wasn't something I said?!?

Just kidding, as overly-serious as I may fancy myself to be, even I couldn't affect British thinking... could I? I mean I know I didn't set those European truckers to protestin' fuel prices... did I? No really, did I?

But seriously folks, -denting-? Well remember, the British ARE prone to understatement.

To be fair, the article wasn't all bad news for enviro-warmists. The poll shows people are rightfully doubtful... and cynical... and wary of "stealth taxes, and generally lacking in confidence that their government could handle anything, much less handle it competently, but on the bright side, they are still "broadly concerned" about "climate change."

I'm not worried. it's one thing to be broadly concerned about "warming," and quite another to be imminently concerned about one's degrading lifestyle.

Do I think the Fuel Crisis of 2008 will be the death knell for enviro-wackos? No? If I did, I'd be making a prediction, and if I were to do that, I'd predict just the opposite - no amount of discrediting will cause enviro-warmists to abandon their positions. Why there are still people who believe the Earth is flat, for God's sake. Although in their defense, even those people don't believe man is responsible for "climate change."

And the good news for me personally, and wackos everywhere should be pleased too, is that the rapid rise in fuel prices - and everything prices - has actually caused me to regain my sense of humor. I may be too serious on the outside, but I'm laughing on the inside that the enviro-warmists sowed the seeds of their own demise and that their comeuppance may finally at hand. Looks like we may not have to be hauling dry ice to the arctic after all!

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No Wonder Liberals Won't Drill - Nothing To Gain, Everything To lose

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:57:35 -0700

The things liberals have been saying about our current oil price woes are so stupid that even stupid people should be embarrassed for them. But in case you aren't, I'm here to help you revel in the fact that you're now officially smarter than somebody - than an entire group. Yes, it's been speculation and innuendo up to now, but it's finally official - Liberals are morons!

They want to investigate the oil speculators, they want to tax "excess profits," they want to nationalize refineries, and above all, they don't want to drill in areas with proven reserves, and to compound that, they want oil companies to drill in areas where there are no proven reserves - "use it (oil leases) or lose it," one no-name idiot Dem Congressman says. "Thanks, we'll pass," the companies say back en masse.

Now look at the above paragraph and ask yourself how any of that will help lower oil prices?

And here's what the the Democrat Presidential nominee-in-serious-mental-decline had to say recently: “We can’t drill our way out of the problem because there's just a finite amount of oil out there and you have got increasing demand from countries like China and India."

Are you suddenly feeling better about yourself? I bet a serious number of special-ed students can see what's wrong with Obama's statement, but let's not leave it to chance. First, define "finite," because we know that he's right if he means "contained within the Earth." But apart from that, we have no idea what's there, and we're finding more all the time. So it could be a thousand years before the supply runs out, and by then, we should have that "cheaper and greener" energy solution the Enviro Don Quixotes think exists at the end of the rainbow, but more on that and them shortly.

Even more incredibly stupid than the first part of Obama's comment is the second part. He says that we shouldn't bother drilling because China and India will just use it all anyway. Did I just hear you smack yourself in the forehead? What does Obo think they'll use if we don't drill? Even worse, we can't stop THEM from drilling, and they may soon be drilling in waters near you. Oh the irony!

So lets set the record straight. ANY new oil will affect price. Depending on the amount found, it will either restrain future increases or, if the find is a bonanza, prices will stabilize and even decline. In fact, the mere mention that we're going to turn America into Swiss Cheese in an all-out effort to increase our domestic supply could very well drive short-term prices down and keep them down - because then speculators will have a harder time speculating.

I'm sure you get that, so why doesn't Obama? And his advisors? And Democrats in Congress? And liberals in general?

Well, the simple answer is, we don't know that they don't. In other words, such an idiotic comment may just be a diversion, because what liberals really want is higher energy prices and more misery. Without misery, liberals perish, and without high prices, they can't bring about Shangri-La in their lifetimes. No matter that even trying to do that will require they make a lot of people expendable.

But for liberals, there's a downside to those high prices: they make real people want real solutions - NOW! I don't know how high prices will need to go, but I'm actually with the enviro-wackos and warmalarmists... I want prices to march steadily upward. Because I'll bet the farm that if that happens, I'll win.

And what exactly will I win? Well, as people realize that you can't ride a polar bear to work, but you can get oil from a whale, with any luck, "environmentalism" will become a dirty word, and if I'm really fortunate, enviro-warmists will be afraid to leave home, and not because they don't have American Express cards - it'll be because their predictions were right - the climate will be too hot outside - but only for them.

Why am I so hostile to enviro-warmists, you ask? Is it simply because they are the dumbest people on the planet? Of course not. If that were the case, I'd actually have no compassion for the lowest among us, and as you know, I'm nothing if not compassionate when it comes to the less fortunate. Unfortunately though, the wackos are not less fortunate. Many are actually 'educated,' but I put that in quotes because if they were truly educated, they wouldn't think as they do. So either their educators failed them or they failed themselves, but in any case, we have to deal with the result.

And the result of their thinking is immoral. They would sacrifice real lives for their fantasy, and that's not mere speculation, they already have, and they are perfectly willing to continue doing so. In fact, they won't even notice the carnage.

The worst of it is that their fantasy isn't even attainable/ The idiot who thinks that we'll be finding "cheaper and greener" energy sources first has to manipulate the market so that oil prices go so high as to make their alternatives attractive by comparison. In other words, if Mohammad (you) won't go to the mountain, they'll bring the mountain to you. Sound good? Because if it does, let me make it still worse.

There are two important components to our energy supply - price and availability. enviro-warmists have succeeded in restricting availability. it took three decades or so, and many people saw the current situation coming long ago, but I confess that I hoped to escape this life before it affected me. Still, I didn't turn a blind eye. I took measures that would help insult me from the pain others are feeling.

But no one can escape the consequences completely, and here's an ugly fact - we saw the price of corn affecting the poor in Mexico a year and a half ago. And when the price of corn goes up, it affects the price of other food, from wheat to meat. But that's nothing compared to what happens when the price of oil goes up - it affects the price of... EVERYTHING! Just watch the daily news and see for yourself what went up in price today. I hope you'll think of me when you do, because with each new increase, I'm getting closer to getting my wish - a hunting season on enviro-warmists.

Right now, the Midwest is reeling, and the nation will be along with it since the flooding there is far more consequential than the New Orleans rain-out. The timing couldn't be worse, the corn crop is devastated - good news for those who are still able to grow it, but awful news for everyone else. And Congress has mandated that a huge portion of the corn crop go toward ethanol production - immoral.

And another thing about availability:"cheaper and greener," on top of everything else, requires a non-disruptable supply. So much for corn in your tank, huh? Not only must energy supplies be relatively unaffected by the whims of Mother Nature, but the enviro-warmists and the general liberal population which promotes alternative energy has stymied virtually every effort to establish new and sustainable sources in the real world, thus making sustainable energy unsustainable.

So not only can't we drill our way out of this energy crisis solely because they won't allow it, we also can't blow and grow our way out, nor can we build nuclear plants or refineries, and solar energy remains an inefficient niche. Well, here's another fine mess they've gotten us into.

But the day of reckoning may finally be at hand for these dangerous idiots. Average Americans (and even a liberal plurality) finally want to drill like there's no tomorrow. But nobody's frantic yet, so liberals can still hold press conferences and spout their stupidity without fear of being shot. But the longer they do, the worse it will be for them.

When China's first oil rig goes up off the Florida coast, everyone will take notice, and surprisingly, that will be good news. Not only will it be the wake-up call for which there is no snooze alarm, but it almost doesn't matter who gets the oil as long as someone does. The general supply goes up America just misses out on the profits and taxes.

And wouldn't it be the supreme irony if an eco-disaster happened because the Chinese aren't as skilled and careful as American companies would be, so greased manatees started washing up on Florida beaches, and there was no one we could hold accountable?

That's what I'd call Shangri-La, but I'm not normal. You can look at it another way of you'd like: do you think the imagined results of global warming will be worse than what we're about to experience in the here and now? If you do, cap and trade THIS, you moron.

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Warming Warning - Nuts And Nutshells

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Fri, 30 May 2008 11:41:19 -0700

Earlier this week, I encountered one of the Vox community's more prominent idiots-advocats and high priest in the global warming religion who had the audacity to address my standard "hogwash response" response to one of his comments by saying that he believed the market would magically produce "cheaper and greener" forms of energy. He didn't say "magically" though, because he actually believes that if you simply will it, it will happen, no matter that many of the already existing cheaper and greener forms of energy have been hamstrung in their development by members of his own sect, and overlooking the fact that no part of his vision is currently in view.

And did I just say "overlooking?" You have to be aware of something before you can overlook it, and in that sense this self-proclaimed scientist's dream has apparently transported him into an alternate reality with tangerine trees and marmalade skies, and he's perfectly content in the sort of way that old guy was in his belief that Mount St. Helens wouldn't erupt. Meanwhile, back on Earth, not only are the living standards of advanced nations being compromised, but just as third-world countries start to advance a bit, they are seeing costs rise across the board as the price of oil pushes up the cost of just about everything else.

When a person is willing to ignore immediate and avoidable suffering in favor of an intangible goal fueled mainly by his imagination, he's immoral. he's a Castro-in-training, even a future Stalin or a Hitler depending on how far he's willing to ride his vision. So you'll excuse me if I have no patience with his likes. He has no facts, no timetable, and no concern for interim consequences. He's a madman at best and a tyrant in all likelihood. And of course, he sees himself as benevolent as most any tyrant does.

Now I'm a reasonable person. I'm willing to entertain any view that's supported with evidence, and I'm willing to go along with any program that is demonstrably desirable. That means I'm happy to do my part for the environment and in fact, I already do more than most. A bigger fact is that I won't be affected by the harsh realities imposed by skyrocketing energy costs, and I'm thrilled that there might be many fewer vehicles on the road. But my delight stops when people are hurt by artificial restrictions based on faulty 'science,' and they are hurt by pre-boondoggles like "cap and trade" or such absurdities as designating polar bears as endangered species which then opens the door to unimaginable avenues of regulation.

It's time to recognize that warmalarmists aren't just liars with an agenda, they are dangerous, very dangerous, and you are already experiencing the "fruits" of their labors. I recently had an exchange with a fellow elsewhere who wasn't willing to concede that liberals are evil. I argued that the formal designation made no practical difference since even if they held their ideas and beliefs in good faith, and they have the best of intentions, as does the fellow I've been discussing here, the net result is still evil, and as I've said, I doubt you could get Hitler to admit he was evil, so I'll leave it to you to make that determination, I've made mine. But even if you don't see the members of the Church of Global warming as an evil cult, how many of you would like to live by the tenets of any cult?

Well then, this cult is closer to imposing its beliefs on you than any other in history. They literally plan to control the world. They plan to control you. And they don't care about the cost to any one individual, or even a group of them. The end justifies the means. My mindless adversary said as much, he just wasn't lucid enough to understand his own meaning.

But don't take my word for it, I refer you to one of the most rational thinkers of our time who is far more civil and analytical than I am.

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Cooling On Raising McCain

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:27:21 -0700

Today John McCain made his strongest statements yet about his intent to regulate the "global warming" scam.

I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. McCain doesn't intend to regulate the scam, he plans to fully participate in it.

The one thing the senator and I agree on about this issue is that it's potentially the most serious one America faces.

Where we disagree is why.

McCain actually thinks that "greenhouse gases" play some role in something.

So do I - I think he's been breathing in too much CO2, for too long.

Consequently, I will not be voting for him.

He's by far the least of three evils.

But he's still very evil.

This is the first time in my adult life that I'm not proud of America.

Over the weekend, I was referred to a "carbon footprint test."

I took it.

Our "footprint" is under four tons - 3.7 to be exact

My wife and I agree we could easily reduce it further.

That makes us better than just about everyone.

If you disagree, you're worse than John McCain

But better than Barack and Hillary.

In all probability.

Now please, go help save energy - burn a cornfield

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Murder So Cute!

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:58:01 -0800

If you don't see another photo this year, you need to check this out.

When the first Superman movie starring Christopher Reeve came out, the tagline was, "You'll believe a man can fly." well, when you see this, you will believe that an illegal alien murderer can be funny.

William Torres is that guy. The story says...

"He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a skull-head pattern on it, pajama bottoms and fuzzy lion-faced slippers..."

Trust me, that description, as silly as it is, doesn't do him justice. Tell me if he doesn't remind you of Wile E. Coyote in his "Acme Missile Kit" just waiting for the Road Runner to beep by. And if nothing else, I think the story debunks global warming once and for all.

I'd like to think that while Americans are bound and determined to be regarded as the stupidest people on the planet, they would still never be caught dead looking like this, but if you are really wondering how I know he's illegal when the story doesn't say it, it's like Friends when Phoebe's brother referred to her masseuse co-worker as a hooker. She protested that the woman was not a hooker, he replied, "Yeah, but when I tell my friends, she will be."

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Why So Aggressive, You Wonder?

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 13:06:36 -0800

Up until six months ago, I was content to make jokes about "global warming" and mock those who believed in it, but that was before I realized how aggressive they'd become and how many inroads they'd made into disrupting our lives forever.

So while the believers have always been exactly like those in any other religion, the difference is, except for Islam, religious believers merely try to convert you through argument and example. The warmalarmists want to control you - all of you - by law - and forever. The newest moron to head the UN has even said that "global warming" is his number one priority. And you, not the atmosphere, are his target.

And like Islamic fanatics, there's no arguing with warming believers, and they are at least as dangerous. Now if we can just figure a way to convince the Islamists that warmists are their true enemy...!?!

So I still joke when I can, because there's more material than ever, But at the same time, these people need to be confronted in the same way that PETA confronts fur wearers - because they're even dumber - than both PETA and the furbabies.

And you need to wise up and realize what's in store if you sit idly by and let them have their way, because it's not warming that's accelerating, it's the warmists power grab, and they believe victory is in sight. And it's already been demonstrated that there is nothing too small for them to regulate, and when they do, it will be... forever.

Imagine this: once a regulation is in place, no matter whether "warming" gets better or worse, any existing controls will always be necessary, they'll argue, and you only need look at the DDT fiasco to see the future. Literally millions of people have died since the elimination of DDT, and the claims about the chemical itself are baseless, yet there is no lifting of the ban in sight, and even if they were right, it's fine with them that millions die so some birds may live?

So it's your job to stall them until nature proves them wrong. One well-meaning fellow says he doesn't mind paying a little "insurance money" now, but that plays right into their hands. What we need is zero tolerance of warming believers. I mean, if Germany can consider banning Scientologists, why can't we ban warmalarmists - or do you think they'll claim separation of church and state?

Remember, all the smart people are on our side.

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The Greatest Op-Ed Yet

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 09:51:52 -0800

I wanted to save this for a piece I was going to do later today on yesterday's (warming caused) flood of "warming" articles, but I feel I owe it to you to make you aware of this as early as possible. It is just too good to lump in with all the nonsense from the over-heated jackasses who pose as journalists and scientists.

I tried to pull the one quote which best characterized of summed up the commentary by Peter Foster in Canada's Financial Post today, and I found that just about every sentence topped the previous one.

So take this as representative of the greatest column yet on the dire threat that is "global warming"...

"The fact that the UN's 1992 Rio conference followed hard on the collapse of the Soviet Union represented almost the passing of a poisoned baton. Capitalism had once been the enemy because it was alleged to make people poor. Now it was the enemy because of the alleged side effects of making them rich. The emissions of carbon-based industrial society would lead to a climate in turmoil:We would be beset by Biblical plagues of floods, droughts and monster hurricanes."

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Warming Believers - the "Muslims Of Science?"

nobody@vox.com(TedWest) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 17:43:21 -0800

It all came to a head for me today when I awoke to find that fifteen days in jail for a woman who named a stuffed bear "Muhammad" wasn't enough for the tiny minds of the world, and I remembered what I used to say when I encountered far lesser things of this nature in the past, but which (I don't know why) I stopped saying...

"These are adults?"

It's long past time to ask that question again..

And again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

Whether you believe in evolution or not, everyone agrees that we should be evolving... mentally, spiritually, philosophically, intellectually...

But we're not.

We're not even standing still. We're regressing.

Is another dark Ages in the offing? My guess is that we're a whole lot closer to that than we are to runaway warming, and this time, we're using science to get back to the future.

Have you seen the nonsense we're being bombarded with daily now about warming and its consequences? I archive the stuff, but I can't keep up, because each new one is more preposterous than the last.

Case in point (And since I started to write this, I have come upon a new example that's several magnitudes more ridiculous): Canadians have just been warned that their beer coolers are adding to global warming.

I'm not kidding, look it up. And you thought that measures to curb CO2 would be general and even abstract, and add only pennies to your tax bill? And you thought this despite my telling you that this was going to affect everything you do right down to your barbecue?

Now, are you an adult or not? Because "they" aren't. THEY are a nanny pyramid scheme, and you'll be on their bottom tier.

And it's long past time to tell them to put up or shut up. Not with obscure and inaccurate facts and figures, but with real, observable, and incontrovertible evidence. Don't give me probability statistics - on the probability that warming is real, and don't Perot me to death with charts.

If you're so worried about warming, get some Valium and let the rest of us deal with any consequences in the marketplace as they happen... because you're in no condition to do it.

We don't let imbeciles lead.

OK, that's not true - we've got a whole government full of imbeciles leading us - to oblivion, and warming measures are the shortest shortcut to getting there.

And we've apparently got a scientific community cheering them on.

So where are the adults?

Well, one guy in Florida seems to be one. He wants to sue the fools who predict hurricanes. I doubt he has a case, legally speaking, but it's a slam dunk in the intellectual sense.

Harris Rosen, a Florida hotel owner wants compensation for lost business due to irresponsible "forecasting" (and btw, if you're an adult, you wonder what could be more irresponsible than forecasting a hundred years in the future?).

Mr. Rosen's point is both obvious and narrow, because God only knows how many businesses and areas have already been affected by the hysterical warmists. If he can't win, at least he can make a contribution by making it expensive to the clowns to continue their sham.

There's an accompanying poll that shows 52% of respondents feel forecasters should be held responsible. 42% believe they should not. I myself am undecided - as to whether they should be shot.or flayed.

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